I accidentally opened the letter containing my anthropology exam result this morning. I hadn't meant to as I knew I hadn't failed the module and really didn't feel the need to be confronted by my extreme crapness unless it was strictly necessary.

So imagine my surprise to discover that I somehow managed to scrape a first. Blimey. It was only 70%, but that's still a first, and together with my 73 for the essay I seem to have done quite well. I also have a provisional mark of 72 for the psychology module I took this year, and 73 for sociology. Yup. I may not be quite as crap at this as I'd feared.

I know I don't need to get a first. A 2:1 is perfectly respectable and would get me onto any course or into any profession I might wish. The problem really is that I know I can get a 2:1 without really making an effort, so if that's what I come out with at the end I'm going to feel I've failed.

This all sounds much more ridiculous written down than it does in my head.